What does it mean about me that I can see what’s going wrong, can identify the patterns and understand that my actions are causing the effects I don’t like, yet I continue to act out in them? Continue reading
I’m not sure what to do any more. What I want.
For years I said I wanted to have the recovery that B has. I wanted to enjoy food and have freedom with my food and be relaxed about my body. Or at least accepting it. And that’s what I tried to do. That’s what I was working for, that’s what I spent years trying to achieve, that was what I held onto while I was in a bigger body and not changing my food or exercise.
But it never got better. And I’m worried it never will. What if I left one thing out of the puzzle…. Continue reading
So here’s the problem…I’m afraid to talk the food part being hard. I feel stuck in a corner.
It’s no one’s fault but my own. My therapist does not want to do this again, and I understand where she is coming from. She has every right to not want to do this type of work with me. The hard part about that is, if she doesn’t, I don’t have anyone to do that with. And I’m left with no one who can know what is going on. Its only me. Continue reading
Wednesday October 22nd, 2014
I don’t know why today I was a such a mess. I know I didn’t show up well in and I can’t explain why. I had a feeling it would be rough going in, cuz i felt off ever since I woke up this morning (felt kinda lethargic and a little groggy, and couldn’t shake it). Continue reading
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