Reflecting on this day and while I wish I could share an inspirational message, but the biggest thing I have learned in these last eight years is that life is incredibly hard…make that FUCKING hard…And just when you think it can’t get any harder, it does. Continue reading
I’m sitting at Barnes and Noble this afternoon in the cafe section, and I open up my laptop to log onto their wifi network. This is something I have been doing every singe day for the past week, as I am in the midst of job hunting, and, given that I also have no desk or Internet, let alone a place to live, Barnes and Noble cafe has become my “office”. Continue reading
I needed some sort of warning for this before this morning…
…and on a day I’m supposed to go to work. I honestly did not go into this phone call expecting this to be the outcome. I thought I was the one making who was going to be making a choice, that I had a decision to make and that I had some questions around the possible options of that decision. That alone felt super challenging and emotional. I’d spent all week preparing for that. Doing so much journaling and soul searching. Really trying to determine what was the best choice. Continue reading
What does it mean about me that I can see what’s going wrong, can identify the patterns and understand that my actions are causing the effects I don’t like, yet I continue to act out in them? Continue reading
I’m not sure what to do any more. What I want.
For years I said I wanted to have the recovery that B has. I wanted to enjoy food and have freedom with my food and be relaxed about my body. Or at least accepting it. And that’s what I tried to do. That’s what I was working for, that’s what I spent years trying to achieve, that was what I held onto while I was in a bigger body and not changing my food or exercise.
But it never got better. And I’m worried it never will. What if I left one thing out of the puzzle…. Continue reading
Wednesday October 22nd, 2014
I don’t know why today I was a such a mess. I know I didn’t show up well in and I can’t explain why. I had a feeling it would be rough going in, cuz i felt off ever since I woke up this morning (felt kinda lethargic and a little groggy, and couldn’t shake it). Continue reading
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